Knight and Desire

Some inspiration caught me the other day while traveling....

A land of confused and hurt emotions lurk in the heart

Desperation for trust stands at the tip

of someone called Desire

She cries, moans, and aches for a lover

A lover who once understood

A lover who once cared

His name represented

protection and inspiration

His arms could shield the world from all harm

as he was Knight of chivalry

His smile lit up the sky with it's comforting sparkle

His essence was her comfort and his comfort was her everything

Her smile was his light

She was his sun brightening his world

in difficult times

Her voice soothed his mind and kept him at peace

She was his sun and he was her stars

Desire and Knight became one

A powerful love that could conquer all

Yet, the jealous moon seized it's

opportunity to end their intertwining world of ecstasy

An important step for them became an integral ingredient

in a recipe for disaster

Unexplained events looked bad on Desire

as she clung on to her comfort

She was lost in his mistrust and was drowning

in his logic

Knight struggled to believe in his Desire

but the moon influenced him to believe only in logic

His love stayed strong for her but it became harder to keep his faith

His Desire was losing in a war against logic

Desperation lurked in the heart of someone called Desire

Helpless, lost and confused

Hopeless of how to win this war with only her love

against the forces of logic without her Knight

To Be Liked....Why Bother

Ever felt like you wanted to be loved by everyone? People or after school specials let you think that all you have to do is be yourself. Be true to yourself they say. People will like you just the way you are. But being yourself won't guarantee you'll be liked by everyone.

I'm sure everyone tries to show the best of who they are whenever they meet someone. They act open and friendly or shy and quiet just based on how they respond in social situations. There's so much to a person that we'll never know with each person we meet except for the ones closest to us. We'll never really know why a certain will act a certain way when we meet someone. Everyone is different. Yet, so many of us ignore what could be on the inside and just create our own perceptions on what we think is on the out.

I could like someone because they seem so nice and open with me. But a few days later, this same person brushes off my hello and keeps it moving. I'm sitting there wondering what did I do? Did they see me? Or did they just decide to not like me based on what they don't know about me?

People do this to each other all the time and I just don't understand it. It starts off in junior high school/high school and the games continue throughout adulthood. There could be someone everyone finds strange, but they never really take the time to know that person because of what one person said. And then everyone starts to follow. Two people are real cool with each other one day and don't even talk to each other the next because of some miscommunication that could have been mended. A girl smiles and laughs with a companion she secretly or not so secretly hates based on whatever.

It happens all the time. Misread signals, nervousness, akwardness, weird behavior or anger due to just something going on in a person's life. You're sitting there just trying to be the best you can be with someone, but something about you just doesn't cut it. There's so many misinterpretations or just plain dislike that can cause a person not to like someone.

If you're trying to be liked by everyone, it's pointless. You could be the most likeable person in the world, but there will always be someone who doesn't like you. The point of my random rant is to just follow the advice of those after school specials: Be yourself. Regardless of how honest you are about yourself, a wrong or right perception about you can create a negative attitude.

Random thoughts I'm having tonight. There could be some fallacy to my rant, but my opinion is my opinon. I just hate it when people will take a person's character and twist it into something negative without really knowing the person. I'm just curious as to why so many of us are so socially defensive. There's so many great personalities out there who you'll never get to know because of some misjudged perception. Only God can judge in my opinion. But hey, it helps against the people out there who you really should stay away from.

We are who we choose to be and if someone don't like you for whatever reason, forget them. It just frustrates me why people choose to not like someone; it usually comes from some random fault that everyone has. Just like it takes time to love someone, shouldn't it take time to hate? But I guess if your gut is telling you something, follow it to some extent.

Stay true to yourself and never take for granted the wonderful people who like who you for you. To be liked should all count on the people who take the time to get to know you, not the ones who first find fault.

A Broken Spirit

Millions of people in this country are going through the same struggle. It's such a competitive fight for something that we all deserve, but at the same time only want because it pays our bills. It's something that we all either go to school for or work hard for, but in this economy it's difficult to come by. There are few who rise to the top, but then so much more have fallen from this difficult climb. I've become among part of the fallen.

Last Friday, I had an interview for this internship which is within the industry I have a degree for. It sounded very interesting and I thought I would make a great candidate for their position. The interview went well. The supervisor seemed so excited to call me back on Monday. I was super excited. Finally something turned out to be working well.

But Monday came and went without any phone call. I was anxious and confused as to what was going on. I sent her an email that night about the call. The next day, I woke up to an e-mail response saying they hired someone else. At first, I tried to act cool about it. But bad news with me has no effect at first, but it pummels me like a pile of bricks soon after.

Positivity is hard to achieve when rejection sticks to you like an evil dark shadow or a pestering older brother. It's both scary and annoying. It's frustrating and it won't go away. It's like a disease that I have no cure for. I'm the type of person who thrives on success. So how positive can I be when rejection won't leave me alone?

I put in so much enthusiasm and positivity into a job I hear a reply from. No matter how qualified I believe I am for it, there's always someone better. It's just draining to want something so hard, to work for it, to feel like you've got it, and then to hear someone else dug up your prized possession.

I know I have the skills to do an excellent job. I have great listening skills. I'm very patient. I'm keen on detail. I like being a perfectionist. I like to see things through to the best of their ability. I want so strongly to use my skills to help an organization reach its fullest potential. But my confidence is just shot even more when I get the impression that I'll be able to use my skills and I can't.

The job hunt is killing my spirit gradually with every interview. My degree of which I dedicated four years of hard work to finish feels like crap in the eyes of an employer. I always wonder, what did I do wrong? What can I do right?

In any case, I'll stop my rambling for now. My optimistic attitude will not die completely. I won't give up because something out there is waiting for me no matter how many misleading or very leading responses I get. But that last rejection really brought out the weakness in me today. I'm just telling the tale of a broken spirit.

Writing - Second nature or a challenge?

The art of pushing a pen against paper and creating a magnetic word flow is something of a challenge to most people. Whenever I tell people my major in college, they say how they're terrible at writing and how they could use all the help. Yet, even though I love to write, it doesn't always come so easy for me either.

Ideas of all sorts are always floating around in my head. Passages of literature make their way into my mind frame, but they never catch the ink of my pen. All the time I tell myself to write. When the time comes, the words don't flow as effortlessly as they did when they first crossed my thoughts.

Why is it so difficult to bring back these ideas? They sit in my mind for hours, days, weeks seemingly fading away. Too much of life pulls me away from setting my thoughts to peace. Problems with my parents, job stress, etc keeps my mind pacing for expression. Even good days like spending time with that special someone and sharing laughs with friends keeps me occupied. My thoughts shake with anxiety of my reluctance to free them.

But my thoughts cannot stress any longer. I will try to focus on the importance of expressing myself. It's something that I can't deny any longer. Like this wise pastor in my church said today, "Use your talent or God will take it away from you," I'll use my writing anyway I can. Hopefully, it'll only continue to grow.

Hair - Not the musical, but the real life dilema

It's crazy how much of an issue hair is for black women. It never used to be for me before. I love how my cute little bob flows with the wind. Every two weeks is my routine visit to the Dominican salon for my wash n' set. I love how my hair shakes, bounces, and waves with any movement my head makes. I love how smooth it feels under my finger tips and the extra shine it gives in the sunlight. I always feel confident when my hair is looking 'fly.' But the act of gaining this little confidence is not so easy.

It burns. It takes what feels like hours to settle into your roots. And it's white. It's called a relaxer as you should already know. It's sounds like something that should be calming to your senses. It really does literally relax your hair, but the process is not relaxing at all. The creamy, chemical substance somewhat painfully pulls your hair from it's natural state. It looks beautiful after the two to three hours of perming, washing, and transforming your kinks. But why go through all this torture?

My mother got me into perming my hair when I was 12. Before this, she used to do my hair herself. It used to HURT. I'd cry from the comb when it would just tickle my tresses. She was never gentle with this job. My hair was her garden and the comb was her rake. I'd have a lot of cute little hairstyles. But my red eyes couldn't really see the beauty of it all.

I would always see these gorgeous, successful, black women in these magazines, tv, and on the streets with straight hair. It would always look so soft, so shiny, and so approachable for others to admire. Whenever I used to go to my junior high school with my au natural, I was always like 'whatever this is my hair and this is how I where it (though it hurts)'. For whatever reason, my mom pressed my hair with a hot comb one day and then eventually upgraded to relaxing. I hated the burning of the perm, but the compliments were nice. I started to feel a little more like the women in the magazines and my confidence grew a little.

And then here I am today. My confidence really grew more after getting rid of braces in high school and growing out of my shyness slowly but surely. Yet, I always felt better when my hair was looking good. As in straight. Only in my college years when I stopped focusing so much on other things is when I finally started looking at what my hair means to me.

Honestly, I hate how much of an issue perming is for black women. White women do it and it's no problem. Black women do it and it's this whole political issue. You're putting chemicals in your hair. You're turning white. You're a self hating black woman.

Ok, no one has ever said this me, but it's a stereotype pinned to women who perm or weave their hair. I love being black. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. I love my curves, my mind, and all other assets of being African American. So am I hating? No, I'm just loving being me.

I do see how much power and grace a woman with the natural tresses holds, though. There's so much beauty and character that a bold afro carries within. There's just so much that can be done with these kinky curls. And I've grown to love it soo much. I just wished my red eyes of the past could have seen the beauty sooner.

As of right now, I see the beauty everywhere. We really do have hair that is one of a kind. Rather than hate on one, I choose to love and appreciate all kinds. Both sides have given me pain, but without pain there's no beauty. If everything was easy, it wouldn't mean much right?

So we put ourselves through this trauma because of our own personal reasons. We take the care and time to mold our natural tresses, but also love the silky, smooth feel that a perm can give us. Although, it's easy to argue against the chemical process of a relaxer, I'm tired of feeling guilty and ashamed of how I like my hair to be at this time in my life. Confidence will remain exuberant with me regardless of if my hair is straight or kinky. Both is truly a stunning feature for us all.

Tiffany <3

Chiddy Bang - Opposite Of Adults (HD)

My start in the Real World

I've had a lot of ups & downs this year. I must say it was a really good year for me in the beginning. My grades were awesome, I just turned 21 so I could go out more (More specifically the Green Room =)), I realized my love for writing more, and it really was one of the better semesters with all the great times I had with my friends. The scary part though was graduating and leaving it all behind.

I know going through change is a part of life. We're all going to graduate from college one day and have to face the real world. But what I'm facing right now after all the pride and glory of my hard work is anxiety and worry. The real world's cold touch is icy enough to give me hypothermia right now even through this heat. I mean, seriously, there are so many jobs out there that want at least 3 years of job experience. How am supposed to have that if I was in college?

Friends of mine have resumes with nearly 4.0 GPAs, honors, impressive internships and academic performance. Yet, still these employers are shutting their doors to them. I know the economy sucks right now, but when will it get better? One of my biggest fears is that all this unemployment is going to increase crime. I know it's already happening since there was a shooting on my block the other night.

Life is supposed to be a struggle though. Honestly, it would be pretty boring without all the challenges. These are hard times for us all, but God will shed some light on our overcast skies. I know months from now, I will be stronger and wiser than ever before. Good things come with baby steps, but great things come with time. So let the path in front of me be a beautiful lesson into this strange entity we call life.